This too will pass.

Change is hard for humans to deal with gracefully. We often associate change with an abrupt, often uncomfortable, transitory period. Perhaps we struggle because we are led to believe our lives are supposed to unfold as an orderly and compliant linear progression of events. So, when faced with challenges or setbacks, we crash into them, begrudgingly pick up the pieces, then continue to plod along that same path. Except, after each collision, we identify with the wreckage, feel a little sorrier for ourselves, and proceed to project those experiences – broken hearts, unmet expectations, unhappiness – on to unsuspecting people and situations that unwittingly cross our paths. What if you learned from the past without being anchored to it; without defining yourself by it?

Alternatively, or simultaneously, most of our positive associations with change attach to some idea of salvation in the future: “I’ll be happy when X happens,” or “I’ll be able to enjoy my life when . . . . ”. All the while, your life is unfolding, and you’re choosing to ignore it. What if your happiness was truly independent from any conditions precedent?

Life is a relentless, deviant, unpredictable juggernaut, taking you to dizzying heights and disparaging lows. The only constant is that once you get on, you’ll never revisit the same point along the path – even if you want to. What if, instead of identifying with your wreckage and longing for a linear path, you become fascinated and intrigued and fall in love with every twist and turn and whiplash-inducing switchback along the way? Are you willing to stop grasping at the past for explanations, and stop waiting in vain for the future to provide an idyllic oasis for your happiness to take root?

Life isn’t personal. You are not a victim. But you do need to wake up to enjoy it. Everything is transitory. Whatever situation you find yourself in, good or bad, know: “this too will pass.” Life is not as heavy and burdensome as your mind makes it out to be. Your ego wants to want more than it wants to have. You are everything you need, all of the other stuff is a luxury. Free yourself from the grip of your ego and create space in which to revel. True happiness isn’t caused by any thing, or person, or event – it’s an aliveness that you allow yourself to feel.

I challenge you to notice how much time you spend anchoring the present to your past wreckage, and/or expecting the present to carry you to some future place where you can be content. Thoroughly cleanse your opaque frame of reference; it’s not doing you any favors. You are not your disease, your fears, your failures, your self-deprecating internal dialogue. Give yourself permission to cast aside your wreckage, and let go of the notion that some thing or some event or some person has to come along before you decide to love your life. Everything that hasn’t passed will. Do you care enough to stay awake?

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.

You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.

The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep.

~Rumi

Ubuntu: (oo-boon-too)

The Essence of Being Human:

My Humanity is Caught Up & is Inextricably Bound Up In Yours

A classical African concept, ubuntu is a humanist philosophy focusing on the interconnectedness of humanity.* Archbishop Desmond Tutu describes ubuntu as:

. . . . [T]he essence of being human. It speaks of the fact that my humanity is caught up and is inextricably bound up in yours. I am human because I belong. It speaks about wholeness, it speaks about compassion. A person with ubuntu is welcoming, hospitable, warm and generous, willing to share. Such people are open and available to others, willing to be vulnerable, affirming of others, do not feel threatened that others are able and good, for they have a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that they belong in a greater whole. They know that they are diminished when others are humiliated, diminished when others are oppressed, diminished when others are treated as if they were less than who they are. The quality of ubuntu gives people resilience, enabling them to survive and emerge still human despite all efforts to dehumanise them.

The act of being vulnerable, of removing boundaries, of stopping yourself from labeling or judging another as “other” is so simple, yet so pervasive. This concept resonates in so many aspects of life: interactions with people and nature; relationships; situations; difficulties and successes. Once you realize your intrinsic connection with humanity, once you see similarities in place of differences, you become more compassionate and understanding, less defensive, and feel less isolated. Life becomes easier, more meaningful, peaceful, and enjoyable.

Make an effort to notice how your actions and reactions significantly affect those around you, and, likewise, how deeply you are affected by the actions and reactions of others. Become the observer of your thoughts and actions and the world around you. It’s the little things that have a lasting impact: smiling at an oncoming shopper in the grocery store; waving at the driver who let you ahead in traffic; making eye contact; saying “thank you” or “have a nice day” and actually meaning it; not hiding behind your cell phone or book or computer when you’re alone in public. Create the beauty you want to see in the world by embodying the concept of ubuntu.

Let go of the isolationist mindset. Forsake your experiences and emotional responses that make you feel separate from the world (feelings of inadequacy, fear, loneliness, and rejection) and feel a deep sense of connection, of responsibility for creating an extraordinary life and a more delightful world. You might be surprised at how much easier it is to give, and how much more there is to receive when you’re not working so hard to defend your identity, your separateness. You are not alone and you never will be. Your problems are my problems, my difficulties are yours. We can exceed what we thought were limitations by reaching out and lifting each other up – allowing each other to see and achieve new and greater possibilities, thereby manifesting a more amazing reality. Ubuntu!

* On a personal note, my mother and her side of the family are from South Africa. My visits have been brief but significant; I feel a strong connection to this marred but magnificent country, and a deep respect and adoration for the enduring spirit of its people.